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Joke of the Day

"Banks suck ass. First they get bailed out with $700B of our money, then they're like ""You can't use Wingdings for the font on your checks."""

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"UNGRATEFUL GIRLFRIEND I swear that I have the most ungrateful girlfriend in the world. Every time I give her an orgasm.......she spits it out"
"Grandma went to the hospital saying she felt a lump on her breast... Turns out it was her belt buckle."
"What has a bottom at the top? Your legs."
"What is a dog's favorite candy? Feces pieces"
"So, a happy Muslim on an empty stomach enters a gay bar............. Bartender asks, ""What will it be!?"" The Muslim replies, ""Shots for everyone!"""
"My wife came home to me cheating on her. I don't know which surprised her more; the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her."
"What did the pirate say to the flying prostitute? Land ho!"
"What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer testicals they're under a buck."
"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally"
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