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Joke of the Day

"Fighting a war on drugs beats fighting a war sober"

"My mom saw me crying in my room and asked what's wrong. I told her I feel like I didn't exist. She told me I do exist because im a pain in the ass."

"Bruce Springsteen isn't very good at math I don't think anyone's heard him count past the number 4 in years."

"How do you make an Italian deaf? Tie their hands behind their back."

"LPT: Name Your Hands, Instant 3some"

"When I get a dog I am going to name it syndrome Because when he jumps up on me I can shout ""Down syndrome"""

"WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!! WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT EM?!?!? *NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW* Edit: Wow, this really took off."

"If we paid teachers more, they'd probably stop dating their students. At this point, a 16 year old working at Quiznos doubles their income."

"I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out."

"I pulled a hamstring and a pig fell from the ceiling and gave me a hug"