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Joke of the Day

"I don't even know how my dog can even think how I might fall for the notion someone else tore apart my shoe"

"Where do all guys come from? ...Their dicks. Where else? (is bad i know)"

"Irish Problems.... Q:How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? A: None! (potato famine) Old one, i did not make, nor do i take any credit."

"What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !"

"If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone."

"Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees? The Germans like shade"

"Him: you watch too much Food Network Me: just enjoy your artisanal bread covered in a delectable berry compote Him: its toast and jelly"

"You ever bark back at your dog and then wonder what you just said?"

"FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian"

"Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate."