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Joke of the Day

"Doctor asked me for a semen, stool and urine sample. I said, ""Hell doc, I ain't got time for that! Can't I just leave my underwear?"""

"Just got a fancy new bathroom scale that tells you what percentage pizza you are."

"People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check."

"My wife gets a bit irritated when I talk about my second and third marriage because, you know, she's my first."

"World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football."

"Santa probably regrets giving coal Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat."

"I'd submit a joke about the World trade center building But 9/11 Americans wont get it."

"I texted my boss, ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" He answered, ""I don't know."" I replied, ""I'm not coming in this morning."""

"How do you make a duck sing soul music? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent"