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Joke of the Day

"*drops pizza slice on the floor Hey can I get another slice? *eats slice that fell on the floor then eats new slice"

"the best thing about hair glitter is that you don't have to use it"

"Spelling error to avoid: ""Biden"" is the name of the Vice President, ""bidet"" is your butt-washer."

"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"

"They discovered a new mummy in an Egyptian pyramid. He was found wrapped in chocolate and golden foil. They believe his name is Pharaoh Rocher."

"I wonder what my future wife is doing right now.. Hopefully modeling."

"Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire."

"My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself!"

"Legs spread faster than lies these days"

"So what if I used a time machine to kill Hitler but arrived too late? And now he's alive and knows how to time travel? Would you guys be mad"