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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift! Well tell her to come in I can't she doesn't stop at this floor!"

"What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck? Egg_salad"

"Have you heard that president Assad has been making cheese? He's been getting the Kurds out of the whey (credit to Sambo85 - Sikipedia)"

"Just saw a poor girl crying in the library, devastated about something. So I pulled up a chair, leaned in and told her, ""You can shut up or go outside, I've got an exam tomorrow""."

"I've haven't eaten gluten for a week... and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying."

"How does the mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight."

"Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they've answered the first."

"If a one-legged woman is named Ilene, what do you call her after a few drinks? Tipsy, and an easy lay."

"Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers? Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm."

"I only like brown rice not white rice. I think that makes me a ricist."