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Joke of the Day

"If a one-legged woman is named Ilene, what do you call her after a few drinks? Tipsy, and an easy lay."

"""Dammit. I had shit planned today."" -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper"

"Why do farmers have potential to become great judges? They recognize bullshit from miles."

"[revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face."

"My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh."

"""that's the power of German engineering"" is a great slogan for your product if you're selling fear"

"Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen."

"Someone dumped in the urinal! It was real shitty!"

"Wife Wanted ad A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: ""Wife wanted"". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine."" :p :D"

"""Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?"""