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Joke of the Day
"How did the Pianist play without fingers? Not very well at all..."
Next Joke
"What's the deal with rape whistles? I can't imagine a situation in which blowing on a whistle is more effective than yelling ""RAPE!"""
"Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*"
"I hate it when people take drugs... Like US Customs or police officers."
"I refuse to correct my 4 year old when she calls Nicki Minaj, ""Nicki Massage"""
"Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend."
"A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar.... The only reason I knew is that they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."
"Why did they give a megaphone to the dog who couldn't climb a tree? Because he couldn't bark"
"The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama."
"What do you call a gynecologist who really loves his job? Ovary Enthusiastic"