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Joke of the Day

"I tripped in front of Stephen Hawking. He lol'd."

"Someone said to me today that my clothes are gay. I said yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

"Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts ""I AM THOR! I AM THOR!"" His horse replies: ""That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"""

"I invented a new sexual position called ""The Republican"" where I screw poor people."

"Her: I'm thinking of a number between 1 an- Me: 69! Her: ...10. Me: Her: Me: 6.9?"

"Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones."

"Last night I slept for 8 hours straight, and then for 2 hours gay."

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"Pizza is like sex... When its good, its really good, but when its bad, its still pretty good."

"Why do seagulls only fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they'd be called Baygulls."