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Joke of the Day

"Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones."

"If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys, I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does."

"Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs? He was always horsing around."

"Only funny if you own a dog: I think my dog must have a very cold nose. Every time it walks into a room, all the other dogs sit down."

"Why is a lobster similar to a Asian under a steamroller? They are both crushed-asians"

"I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave."

"I farted in an Apple Store Not my fault they don't have Windows"

"Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book."

"How many Police Officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None. He 'fell'."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my cock down your throat ;)"