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Joke of the Day

"Featuring tweets in an article is a newspaper's version of giving up and wearing sweatpants everywhere."

"How do elephants hide themselves in the jungle? They paint their testacles red and climb in a cherry tree. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries."

"Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life."

"I stripped naked after losing a bet yesterday. I'm now barred from my local bookies."

"Customer: Why doesn't my hairline look good? Barber: It's on the same old head."

"What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath"

"How many electrons does a negatively charged oxygen atom have? Nion"

"my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta."

"Just had a very embarrassing misunderstanding with my new Irish girlfriend. Turns out she just wanted me to take her in the Yaris."

"Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared."