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Joke of the Day

"my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me"

"Never give a baby alcohol unless you want him to go on and on about, ""the blacks."" Racist fucking babies."

"Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN"

"Microwaves should have a ""Pfft"" button."

"I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves."

"I wonder if Radio Shack ever thinks about changing the name, you know now that it's 2011 and all."

"This may be one all of you have heard, but what do Eric Clapton and coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream."

"People tend to put their faith in a higher power. But to me that's just a primitive solution."

"What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels? A towel full of loads"

"Wait in a dressing room until an employee comes to ask if they can help. Answer yes, pause, then say, ""But I need to be able to trust you"""