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Joke of the Day

"Rafael Nadal got done by an Australian teenager today at Wimbledon. Rolf Harris is having raging fits of jealousy."

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"The IRS is going to start garnishing my wages. I think I'll enjoy getting a sprig of parsley in my paycheck."

"Cop: ""You been drinkin?"" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny ""You're free to go.."" Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?"

"A woman's legs are a lot like peanut butter It's much easier to get them to spread if you have a knife"

"What's a pirates favourite letter? Ye think it be the R, but 'tis the C."

"Strange that the chimney tends to survive a house fire. as a cold reminder of where the fire should have been. -Jimeoin"

"What do a UT Austin student and a Texas A&M student have in common? They both applied to UT Austin"

"What did the Mexican name his two dicks? Jose and Hose B"

"My 9yo son just gave me a hug and told me thank you for not naming him Dick."