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Joke of the Day
"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, dang it! BREATHE!"
Next Joke
"""America's Most Wanted"" to return to the airwaves with an NFL edition."
"""Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."""
"Why did a seal go to the bar? .... Because he didn't want to go clubbing."
"Why are dockhands never featured in Miley Cyrus music videos? Because they're port workers."
"What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts? Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent ""Rax on, Rax off"""
"Did you hear about the teacher who had eye problems? She couldn't control her pupils."
"Bought some sneakers off of a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!"
"I'm a suicide bomber with confidence issues, AMA! EDIT: Wow, this blew up!"
"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is this tweet is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing."