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Joke of the Day

"Last year I turned my life around and lost over 200 lbs People ask me what's your secret? And I'm like ""It's simple, I dumped my girlfriend."""

"So a redditor was on a date with his girlfriend..."

"What's white and in the men's 100M final? The lines."

"Sodium...Sodium...Sodium...Sodium...Sodium... Batman!"

"i wish everything was made out of pizza i'd be like hey bro sorry I ate your pizza car and pizza house and pizza wife."

"Scientist: our large brains are what allows us to survive so successfully 10,000 Year Old Tree: k"

"Apples on trees Dad - Hey son, how many apples grow on trees? Son - I don't know Dad, how many? Dad - All apples grow on trees, silly."

"My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood... I told him he was full of it."

"How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan and broom."

"Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?"