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Joke of the Day

"What did the Russian woman say to her violent husband? Vladislav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more."

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period."

"I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket ""Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this thing?"""

"Maybe Offensive to jews. You have been warned.(NSFW?) Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? One doesnt scream in the oven."

"When my wife came home with a puppy, I knew better than to question her. She's the chef, after all."

"I'm not here to make FRIENDS - David Schwimmer on his day off (it is 1996 in this tweet)"

"I wonder what part of the Constitution we'll all be fighting over today? I hope it's the preamble. That part's bullshit."

"I stole a seat from an old man and he remarked, ""Chivalry is Dead"". I said, ""I'm sorry, I didn't know. He wasn't even trending on Twitter""."

"What do you call a Marshmallow eaten by Aliens? A Mars-mallow"