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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C! [ I'm^so^sorry ]"

"How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? When your writing becomes visible."

"Capitalism is controlled by an ""invisible hand"" that gives most people the invisible finger."

"If you wait long enough, every cool thing starts to suck."

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was ""a-salted."""

"I was reading in the paper... And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""How could anyone stoop so low?"""

"NASCAR is a visualization of how women argue. They keep going in circles. And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn."

"Why is that Mac owners always say their computers never get viruses... ...when it is clear that being a pretentious douche is a clear example of a virus that is exclusive to Mac ownership?"

"What's the healthiest cuisine? Vitaminese food."

"I called the bowling alley today and asked if they had 10 pound balls. He said ""yes"", which I thought was amazing for how fast he was able to run to the phone."