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Joke of the Day

"Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen circumstances"

"A recent survey in the UK asked the following question: Are there too many foreigners in this country now? 18% answered: **YES** 82% answered ** **"

"Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ? Because everyone had to go on in pairs !"

"I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I'm surprised by on my neighbor's lawn are metal lawn ornaments he's had for 5 years."

"I told my boyfriend yesterday, ""You do look a little Downsy, if I squint."" ""...Or if you squint."""

"Buy Domino's Fire everyone Hire dragons Fire roasted pizzas Delivery in six minutes or less IMAGINE DRAGONS"

"[at pet store] ""This tortoise's shell keeps going soft. Am I doing something wrong?"" ""No, it happens. It's just a reptile dysfunction."""

"If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear... Would Greece Help?"

"Do you know why the snowman is smiling? He heard the snowblower was coming."

"What do you call a deer... without eyes? No eye deer. without eyes or legs? Still no eye deer. without eyes, legs, or genitalia? Still no fucking eye deer."