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Joke of the Day

"Auto correct doesn't work when I use caps lock. My phone is like ""woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he's wrong"""

"If I was Baltimore's head coach I'd probably just say ""That's so Ravens"" after every play."

"How are asymptotes like women? You can get close to it, but you can't touch it"

"You could call a woman beautiful 100 times and she'll never remember it. But call her ugly once and she'll never forget it. You know why? Because an elephant never forgets."

"What's Jay-z's favorite store? Bed, bath and Beyond-ce."

"What is the one smell you can never get out of the house, no matter what you spray or what incense you burn? Your grandparents."

"I'm like Global Warming... No one takes me seriously."

"Why will the next IPhones be the hottest best selling phones? Because they'll be sexy(6c) and a success(6s)"

"I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed."

"Deadpool was Green Lantern Batman was Daredevil Captain America was Human Torch And we're just gonna walk around like EVERYTHING is OK???"