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Joke of the Day

"I miss the things we shared together. Not the chlamydia but the rest of the stuff was cool."

"Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter? Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table."

"Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea? They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee."

"Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it."

"Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie? Because she was a quack."

"My parents used to tell me this one. Where did the general keep his armies? Up his sleevies."

"*Stands guard with scissors and tinsel* Wait, you said ""wrap battle"", right?"

"5 years ago today I asked the girl of my dreams to go out with me. Today, I asked her to get married... She said no both times. ;("

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"It's uncool to be religious. It's uncool to be atheist. If someone asks what you believe in just say Beyonce. It's the only way to be safe."