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Joke of the Day

"I vote Gabe Newell for president. There will never be a World War 3."

"Why I'd never get a sex change I wouldn't have the balls to do it"

"[gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]"

"Hmmm... Jack Nicholson. He's that guy from the Laker's games right?"

"The RAF will be doing a flypast over Buckingham Palace. Due to a lack of aircraft they'll be using the Easy-Jet from Gatwick to Barcelona."

"What made Gandalf spend most of his time in the Shire at brothels? Love of the Halflings' queef."

"When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy."

"It would be funny if we discover there are inhabitants on the comet... they would be comedians."

"Where should Aaron Hernandez have hidden the evidence? The Cowboys' endzone; because no one goes there"

"If you find me dead after tweeting & driving, please hit SEND to get that final thought out there"