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Joke of the Day

"What does a 1 eyed, 1 legged, and deaf kid get for Christmas? ...Cancer"

"What's the definition of a masochist with necrobeastiality tendencies? Someone who literally gets off beating a dead horse."

"What do you call a white duck? A quacker"

"Don't iron your four leaf clovers You don't want to press your luck."

"Lost Wallet I thought my dad would be angry when I told him I had lost my wallet, but he told me not to worry, that it was in my genes."

"Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked"

"From my gf Me: What are you planning on doing on MLK day? Her: I plan on sleeping all day Me: ...Why? Her: I want to have dreams too"

"Now that it is 2015 we should all really be on the lookout for Marty Mcfly. If it is only to forewarn him to invest heavily in Parkinsons research on his return to 1985."

"My neighbor's wife asked me if I wanted to help make her husband jealous... I said ""sure!"" and hung myself in the bedroom closet."

"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"