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Joke of the Day

"""The Walking Dad,"" but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's ""not made of money"""

"What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis"

"Bad advice to give a kleptomaniac... ""You should really take something for that."""

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing about twenty-eight year olds? There's 20 of them."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with large tits? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean"

"People who generalize... I would finish the joke, but redditors are smart enough to see where it's going."

"The ancient Egyptians loved cat videos."

"Relationship status: I ran out of toilet paper a week ago. Update: I am now running out of paper towels."

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants"