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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped."

"Today I found ought I was adopted... but they gave me back."

"What's the difference between pink and purple? The squeeze."

"[Guy sees octopus doing squats at the gym on 4 legs] ""You doing legs today?"" Octopus: Yeah my fourarms hurt."

"Taco emergency ? Call 9 Jaun Jaun"

"You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people."

"What did the SS officer say after having his eye shot out? I can nazi."

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... The first muffin looks over and goes ""man, it's really hot in here."" The second muffin replies ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"If it weren't for dating sites, I'd still have some self-esteem. Thank God, it's all gone now."