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Joke of the Day
"Barack Obama."
Next Joke
"In what kind of accident will you lose both your hands and your eyes? An accident you cant quite come to grips with because you never saw it coming."
"Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice."
"A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, ""It all happened so fast."""
"Cam Newton Just signed a contract with McDonalds. He will be promoting turnovers."
"[texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*"
"Why isn't Christmas spelled Christmals? Because Noel."
"WIFE: You overreact to everything! ME: [phones police]"
"You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave."
"What's Harry Potter's favourite way of getting down a hill? Walking. ... JK Rolling."