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Joke of the Day

"*Closes app. Immediately reopens the same app*"

"I didn't realize how cold it was outside today... ... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets"

"For this Valentines day, I'll be inundated. Oops. I mean I'll be in, undated."

"59 It's like a 69, but one person is in a wheelchair."

"I drank tequila in a cave... ...it was a shot in the dark"

"What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party? TURNIP"

"What does a Christian terrorist say before blowing up? JESUS HALLELUJAH"

"Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma"

"Autocorrect sucks Amorites guys?"

"I really want to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back"