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Joke of the Day

"The militia had killed my entire family and left me for dead. Thank God for Buzzfeed's 17 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity."

"I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me ""Do you play basketball?"" My standard reply: ""No, do you play miniature golf?"""

"What you call a penis that doesn't satisfy a woman? Yours"

"[Border control] Officer: ""You're not American."" Me: ""Deep."" *Officer squints* M: ""Fried."" *squints harder* M: ""Guns."" ""Welcome back, Sir."""

"What's 10 foot long and stinks of piss? Old folk doing the conga."

"BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities."

"I'm off to pick the kids up from school. Before their parents get there."

"There's this app on my phone that makes me look ugly. It's called ""Camera."""

"a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians"

"What do you call a quadriplegic Canadian? A Can't-adian!"