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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news? A topical climate."

"Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at."

"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons"

"*Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!"

"This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie? Mow lawn. Sorry."

"Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9? Because Windows 7 ate 9."

"Science: I rely on observable data and logic. Religion: I prefer scripture and faith. Astrology: I like turtles."

"What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork."

"On my birthday, my wife asked me to take her some where she never visited... On my birthday, my wife asked me to take her some where she never visited. So I took her to the kitchen :P"