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Joke of the Day

"I hate how Apple took away the headphone socket all willy-nilly It's like it means jack shit to them"

"Apparently my neighbor down the hall doesn't watch porn. She came over 20 minutes ago asking I could fix her sink and I'm still fixing it."

"My voice is like a pony, A little Horse."

"If I had a brewery I would make an alcoholic drink called ""Responsibly"". I wouldn't even have to pay for advertising."

"i NEVER VOTED FOR A PRESiDENT BECUZ iF iM GUNNA WASTE MY GAS THEN iT BETTER BE ON SOMETHiNG iMPORTANT LiKE DRiViNG TO CHiCK-FiL-A"

"whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work"

"If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? No. The universe uses lossy compression."

"What's a Jewish Person's Favorite Time of Year? The Challah-Days"

"Whats the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You dont have to beg your wife to blow one of them."

"We wanted to bury our cat Ivy under our ivy but it was too thick to get through so we renamed it dumpster instead."