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Joke of the Day

"Husband says to his wife ""do you smell that"" wife says ""no?"" Husband says ""me neither so start cooking"""

"Alright! Everyone that got a DM containing a map to my treehouse, meet there in 15 mins. Those who didn't, maybe consider being nicer to me."

"A woman speaks to her Jewish son. *Kid is playing in a sandbox* >Mom: Come back here! It's rude to play with the bodies of our ancestors!"

"I don't enjoy winning against The God of Thunder... He is always a Thor loser."

"Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you."

"Do you know why police dogs are called the K-9? Because if it were called the K-10, they would be police cats"

"A man walks into a bar... and says ""ouch"""

"How is a hurricane like a marriage? At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and when it's over your house is gone."

"The best part of having a beard is that it covers up like 40% of my terrible face"

"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""