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Joke of the Day

"Alright! Everyone that got a DM containing a map to my treehouse, meet there in 15 mins. Those who didn't, maybe consider being nicer to me."

"I no longer see my wife and kids because of gambling. I won a shitload of money and moved to Spain."

"The women protest movement this weekend was historical. I've never seen so many women have PMS on the same day."

"Everyone has to pay for their mistakes... except for banks. Banks are apparently exempt from a lot of shit."

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up you plug it into your computer and watch them over again"

"Love is a game where you try to balance an increasingly unstable structure before it crashes down. No wait nvm those are Jenga instructions"

"I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer... but no one would do it."

"The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms."

"How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam? She passed with frying crullers."

"Your Mom is like Planet 9... very distant from the sun"