97094

Joke of the Day

"Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect."

"I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets. I never thought someone could stoop so low."

"I can describe my girlfriend and 9/11 in one word bush"

"If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine"

"People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11... He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia..."

"I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations."

"What do we want now!? When do we want 'em? Time machines!"

"What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison? A MUGshot."

"I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer... but no one would do it."

"What do you call a confused Asian person? Disoriental."