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Joke of the Day

"People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11... He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia..."

"My dad drowned while at work in a vat of cake mix I know it sounds unlikely but there were some very strong currants"

"I was sitting on the toilet, constipated... The undropped turd asked me, ""Man, what did you eat?!"" ""A pound of cheese,"" I said. The turd said, ""You're shittin' me."" I said, ""I shit you not."""

"OMG, GODZILLA IS COMING TO ATTACK NEW ENGLAND AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-oh, he said huge blizzard, not lizard... Carry on then."

"Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much."

"I get bi with a little help from my girl friends."

"Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year."

"My mate Gav overdosed on heart burn tablets I cant believe Gav is gone."

"[Lab] Co-worker: ""Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?"" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno."

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you."