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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between pizza and your opinion? I only asked for pizza."

"You know your getting old when ... Rough sex is fighting for the bottom."

"Most hookers don't give a fuck because it's much more profitable to sell a fuck."

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth"

"FULLY LOADED Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet? A: ""We're gonna have a BB!"""

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say Helllllooo from the other siiiiide. My daughter came home from school with that one."

"I went to the barbers today. My wife sent me a text that said we had a pipe leaking. I told the barber we're going to have to cut this short. I walked out with a buzz cut."

"Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is being at a party and feeling socially awkward."

"""Stay strong!"" I said to my wi-fi signal."

"[sees kid hitting pinata] Me: wow he really hates horses"