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Joke of the Day

"*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret"

"Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive! Has the computer stopped working? No but there's a lot of crackling."

"What do you call a psychoanalyst's underwear? A Freudian slip."

"An increasing number of farmers are losing their crops due to drought It's a growing problem."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Carrot!"

"Just walking down the ""Gluten Free"" aisle, secretly dropping boxes of Twinkies in everyone's carts."

"Yo mama's so fat, I swerved my car to miss her and ran out of gas."

"[flirting at Taco Bell] Trouble opening that sauce packet? Let me help. [seconds later] Let me help you get that sauce out of your hair."

"Why did NASA hire a proctologist? To help plan the trip to Uranus."

"The ""cool"" side of your pillow secretly has a lot of the same insecurities that you do."