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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Steven jobs get treated for cancer? an apple a day keeps the doctor away"

"What's the most important part of an ISIS joke? The execution."

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks."

"A sadist and a masochist meet The masochist starts pleading, ""Hit me! Please hit me!"" The sadist looks at him, smiles, and calmly replies, ""No."""

"Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass."

"So what are you doing today?? ""So what are you doing today?"" - ""Nothing."" - ""What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"" - ""That's right, and I'm not finished yet."""

"i mean, at some point the Absolute Funniest Thing Ever happened and i'd bet you $75 it involved a huge fart."

"There's so many things trendy now that haven't been popular for a century now... Beards, suspenders, home-births, natural produce, measles..."

"I wonder what those old comedians who made livings cracking wise about airline food are doing now that there's no such thing."

"A salmon is swimming up a river. It hits a wall. Dam."