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Joke of the Day

"Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death...... ;-)"

"How do you make a cat bark? Drench it with gasoline, drop a lighted match on it... Woof!"

"Maybe middle America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact."

"Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?"

"The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth."

"What's Tom Brady's favorite sport? Softball."

"I just smoked the fattest blunt.. And now my refrigerator is nervous!"

"The Pizza Delivery Guy said ""Thank you"" but his face said: ""Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."""

"Never date a Theater person... ... wayyy too much Drama..."

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die."