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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book Cost me a fortune in stamps"

"So, 50 Cent is accepting Bitcoin for his new album. Which is all well and good, but if he really wanted to court the cryptocurrency community, he should change his stage name to 0.0007745 ."

"Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving."

"How do aliens pay for their coffees? With Starbucks!"

"Why does a Jew moan when he has an orgasm? Because it has to come from his own sack (Joke might work better in Dutch, where 'zak' means both sack and pocket)"

"Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got"

"How scared was the man who ate cement? Lets just say, he shit a brick."

"I used to make arrow in the knee jokes... ..."

"""Is it long enough to reach most people's beds?"" ""Yes."" ""Perfect, make it a couple inches shorter."" -Apple, creating the iPhone charger."

"What does Islamic extremists and skydivers have in common? they're both Paris shooters"