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Joke of the Day

"Is a guy eating peach halves the equivalent of a chick eating a banana? Asking for a friend... ...but hurry up, I'm almost to the checker"

"What do blondes and computer have in common? You never appreciate them until they go down on you. [Source](http://www.vice.com/kids-telling-dirty-jokes/david-741) edit: computers"

"Ladies, try carrying a sausage and 2 apricots in your pocket for a day without them moving and you'll see why we need to readjust ourselves."

"If you look like your passport photo You probably aren't well enough to travel."

"Sports Authority must be a publisher now... ..All I hear now are discussions about Chapter 7 and Chapter 11!"

"[First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I... (trying to impress her) ...am a criminal"

"What is the creature that walks on four legs in the morning, three legs at noon and two in the evening? A cat in a minefield."

"How many whores does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to change it, two to stick it in their assholes, and a final whore to film it."

"Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or you're taking sh!t from some @sshole!"

"Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don't do it in the bathtub."