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Joke of the Day
"TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . ."
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"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, ""damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"""
"Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression. One minute he was up, then he was down."
"Ladies, never buy Activia yogurt because the rest of us are in line behind you thinking ""Awww, that poor girl can't shit without yogurt!"""
"Ferguson joke. Too soon? Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, ""Give me a Michael Brown."" Bartender says ""Ok. Put up your hands."" the gave him six shots."
"5yo: [crying] I teddy at home! He'll be sad that I abandoned them! Me: Want to call him & apologize? 5: You don't have his phone number."
"I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen."
"Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house? Neither did she."
"What's the worst part of fucking twenty-seven year olds? There's twenty of them."