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Joke of the Day

"An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either."

"I've got a banana in my drawer that I took from the office fruit basket. In 3 weeks my co-workers will pay me to throw it away. Easy money."

"Wanna hear a racist joke? Donald Trump."

"My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?"

"Never have phone sex You'll catch hearing-aids"

"[in bed] M: Do that thing I like H: NO M: Please? H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES"

"Who is the oppostite of Cristopher Walken? Christopher Reeve"

"People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking."

"The new British PM has been spotted performing necromantic rituals over Margaret Thatcher's grave... She May be planning Theresa corpse."

"What time is it when you sit on a pin? Spring time."