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Joke of the Day

"I've got a banana in my drawer that I took from the office fruit basket. In 3 weeks my co-workers will pay me to throw it away. Easy money."

"What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived? Get a new robe!"

"I thought my secret vasectomy would just keep my wife from getting pregnant, but sometimes...... ... it just changes the color of the baby."

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting injected with tetanus."

"Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope? The knife just wasn't cutting it."

"If I had a dollar for everytime I unnecessarily sexualize a sentence, I'd have 69 dollars."

"Why was the horse always mad at the mule? It kept half-assing everything."

"Teenagers are so cute when they think you won't hit them"

"What's the Russian word for Internet outage? Internjet"

"I walked in and found my wife in bed with my best friend, I kicked them both out of the house. and he was the best dog I ever had"