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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] M: Do that thing I like H: NO M: Please? H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES"

"Why were the proctologist's emails so hard to read? Too many colons."

"Life is going pretty good for me lately I guess. I just got a booty call last night. It was from life. Apparently it still wants to fuck me."

"What do plumbers and slinkies have in common They both make you laugh when you push them down stairs"

"Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Their shaky hands!"

"Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement"

"Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse."

"Be the change you're looking for between the couch cushions."

"I'm really good mates with 25 letters out of the alphabet I don't know why"

"Why couldn't the radish finish the race? He was just a little beet."