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Joke of the Day

"If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results."

"I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car."

"You know why it's called PMS? ...there's already something called Mad Cow Disease."

"Break bad news to teens by talking on THEIR level. ME [spinning on chair in daughter's room]: Yo, turns out grandma's heart is weak af."

"Damn girl, are you bubble wrap? Because you're fun to run over with my bike"

"A terrible plane crash occurred in Lithuania last week. A two-seater airplanecrash landed in a cemetery and exploded. They've recovered 300 bodies so far,and they're still digging them up."

"What is a baby's dream job? Working at a winery."

"A legendary quote by Mahatma Gandhi ""History is not created by those who browse in incognito mode"""

"Batman: Life isn't a video game. Your actions have consequences *Robin writes 'I'm sorry I forgot to buy Charmin' 100 times on Batpaper*"

"I hate when I can't understand what I'm eavesdropping on."