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Joke of the Day

"if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you"

"You know what I find odd? Every other number."

"Say what you will about that pilot... ...but at least he died doing what German's love most. Mass murdering innocent people."

"A man takes his sick wife to a doctor.. The doctor after making initial observations, says - 'Sir, your wife doesn't look so good'. To which the man replies, 'Yea, but she gives great head'."

"Why are homosexuals usually so pale? Because there's no light in the closet. P.S: No, I'm not homophobic."

"Fitbits are the selfies of exercise."

"I sent in a list of my top ten puns to the newspaper hoping at least one would be selected for the joke of the day. Sadly, no pun in ten did."

"When I asked you for the punchline... ...I didn't think you were talking about polygamist domestic abuse."

"Hey McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Cyclops Barbie ...one eye right in the middle of her forehead; Cyclops Ken sold separately"