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Joke of the Day

"Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them ""people are about to die"". Then Hung up."

"What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon"

"Got a secondhand robot. Practically good as new! Just a few nicks and scratches, and a tendency to murder."

"What do eagles and moles have in common? They both fly, except for the mole..."

"Justin Bieber isn't gay he just likes to get his cheekbones blown out."

"What do you call an object used as seating that can fly? A rocket lawn-chair."

"I'd be the X-man who was always pointing out the continuity flaws in our storyline"

"What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? A toilet can become president."

"Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later."

"Really sucks for those addicted to Apple products... ...now there is no *escape*"