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Joke of the Day

"You call it laziness', I call it laziness' too because I don't feel like coming up with an alternate excuse."

"What did one redneck say to the other? If you were anymore inbred, you'd be a sandwich."

"Need to build an Ark? I Noah man..."

"I painted my iPhone black so it would run faster. Now I need to jailbreak it."

"I took a poop in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"""i'm not even that high."" -me talking to the microwave"

"IAN: Why is that bear hanging out in the bar? ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really? ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian."

"I just cleaned out my Facebook friends list. Congratulations if you are reading this! I still like you!"

"What do the hotdogs taste like at the gay parade? Shit"

"Why is your mom like a 360 noscope? Cuz I wouldn't hit that."