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Joke of the Day
"Sex is like the stock market... It's better if you're insider."
Next Joke
"Parenting tip: Unplug the microwave before dropping acid because you'll inevitably put the baby in there for safe keeping."
"What do you call a moody bear? A bi-polar bear."
"Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway. Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way."
"Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain? Because they don't deliver."
"I like to write ""Wake Up"" on my To-Do list so I can start the day off accomplishing something."
"Bad news: I got so busy drafting tweets, I forgot to pick the kids up at school. Worse news: I'm a bus driver"
"When I said ""I hope you die,"" I was actually being really thoughtful. Do you really want to experience the unending burdens of immortality?"
"It must have been so risky for pirates to slightly burn the edges of all their treasure maps and then dip them in tea."
"Ouija board......""your going to die!"" Me: you're*"