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Joke of the Day

"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"

"Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? TUH KEELLUHHH!!!"

"Ugh. It's bath time again and I always forget if you wash the baby on 'delicates' or 'permanent press'."

"How do you get a Jewish Girl's number? You roll up herr sleeve."

"What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog"

"I can't believe Lou Gehrig's parents named him after a DISEASE"

"Context is everything ""Jesus loves you!"" A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison."

"GIVE ME THE PUNS, ALL OF EM Hit me with your puns reddit"

"Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States? He was Snowden."

"Woo! Let's get this weekend started! *Starts doing laundry*"