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Joke of the Day

"If I were a waitress, I'd be planting fake engagement rings in every girl's food, just to see their boyfriends panic."

"Teacher asks a question Teacher: ""whoever answers my next question can go home"" Jimmy throws his bag out the window Teacher: ""who just threw that?"" Jimmy: ""that was me"""

"My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights."

"I'm coming out of the closet. Not that! I mean her husband finally left for work."

"What did the scientist say when a stranger came inside his lab? What the fuck dude get the hell away from my dog!"

"Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep."

"What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had ? The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had !"

"New Knock-Knock joke? Child: Knock Knock Grandmother: Who's there? Child: [Insert Name] Grandmother: [Insert Name] who? Child: Oh no! You have Alzheimer's! Yes? No?"

"Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop."

"Me and my girlfriend are always sleeping together. I think we both might have a touch of narcolepsy"